I had a dream last night where I was engaged to be married on Sept 15th. My fiancee (yes, the double e)'s name was Clare (it was actually something more difficult than that, and also more ambiguous in that it didn't actually give away a sex... Clare was her nickname). I don't know her in real life. She was so sweet and smart and wonderful. Just thinking about her makes me happy.

The thing is, though... I don't think I'm gay? Maybe I am? I don't know.

Sort of sad that the biggest problem I was having in my dream was thinking about how I would tell my father that I'm in love with a girl. I remember being really scared about this. Really nervous. I get the feeling he'd be really upset with me, that I'd disappoint him for being gay in my dream. Or in real life.

I don't know.

I want a Clare to cuddle with. I feel really lonely and scared for my piano exam. I want my Clare to hug and kiss and feel good with.